Swear I was blind before I met you

I don’t know where I am, don’t know where I’ve been,

But I know where I want to go….

First Day of My Life, Bright Eyes (this version)

So, here we go again. I know, I failed. But I think the thing to remember was that I was sick, and that I should probably not put so much pressure on myself, and maybe I’ll start to treat blogging as a joy, rather than a neccessity so I won’t forget how to write in general. *sighs*

So, I’ve been watching a lot of Laci Green videos, and I must say I am quite addicted to her. She’s adorable and talks about sexuality in a way that I admire, but she also has a sense of relateablilty to her that makes her seem like someone fun to talk to.

I’m going to steal an idea from her vlog here. She talks about her flaws, and I thought I’d list a few of mine.

-I completely suck at delegating, not really because I want to do everything myself, but mainly because I fail at trusting other people.

-As we can tell from my failed blog, I suck at keeping up with things sometimes, especially projects. Other times, I just can’t…let go, even when a project is failed.

-I don’t keep a grudge as long as I think I should. That may not make much sense, but when someone’s done something mean to me, I vow to hold them responsible for that. A bit of time goes by and they come back into my life, and I just forget it like it was never there.

-I’m incredibly scared of the dark.

-I spend entirely too much time worrying about things I have no control of.

-Impulsive to the core, I’ve spent thousands of dollars on trips that, while I’ve had fun on, would have probably been used to better ways.

-I tend to be too defensive of people I care about. When I see them being harmed in any way, shape or form I feel the strong desire to protect them.

-I use my sense of humor as a form of defensive nature, I joke about things in order to make people believe that I’m not bothered about the things they say when I in reality might be.

-Really annoying, giggly shallow girls drive me fucking nuts. I hate admitting that sometimes I prejudge people.

-I once kissed my former best friend’s boyfriend once, when I was in middle school. She was completely in love with him, and I didn’t even really like him that much. She found out, and eventually forgave me…but it turns out she wasn’t that great of a friend either.

-I let things get under my skin too easily.

-I once dated a still-married man, on accident. His wife called me. I think that if dementors sucked out all my happy thoughts, one of the horrible memories I would be left with would be in the form of her voicemail.

-I fear I’m not as interesting as I want to be.

-I’ve almost fell asleep while driving once, and the chance I might again scares the shit out of me.

-I fall too easily for a compassionate guy who has a wonderful smile and a nice voice.

Awesome: A secret, today.

Unawesome: Banks, all of them. -_-

I’ve been sick. Like, hospital sick. Which was fun. Not really! But I’m okay now, I suppose so it’s all good. This is just a placeholder, I’ll right something better later, I swear.

Awesome: I don’t feel like I’m dying today! Fantastic!

Unawesome: I’m so behind on…everything I need to do.

Sometimes I unsubscribe so I can subscribe again,

Swear I’m legal, baby I’m 19!

You should make me your youtube queen!

Hayley Hoover, The Fine Kone

So, I thought I’d use today to chat about YouTube, and how I found the crazy things that I watch now. It all started with Harry Potter (as things usually do). I was a very active user on The Leaky Cauldron HP fansite (argueably the biggest out there). I was quite involved, even eventually becoming a moderator on their forums. I was a superdork. Anyhoo, through there I discovered this chick with the username Ifancythetrio who made weird, interesting videos (this one is my favorite).  From here I found Hayleyghoover who is kind of crazy and amazing. She’s beautiful and makes awesome videos as well. From her I found the vlogbrothers who…kind of changed my life. And I keep finding awesome people, like this girl. She’s incredibly charming and funny and I adore her. I also now watch more mainstream things, like RayWilliamJohnson and I’m also a longtime fan of Sxephil, who are both incredibly funny.

As for other things today, I feel like I’m getting sick so I’m drinking a heckload of water! GO AWAY SICK!

Awesome: This frooit drink is awesomesauce.

Unawesome: This blog post kind of sucked. It’s not like anyone reads this anyhoo!

Duet with myself, Charlie McDonald

I’ve never been the, “OMG I HATE LIFE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!” kind of person. In fact, I generally consider whatever is going on in my life fixable and correctable. No matter how it may seem, I fully approve looking on the bright side of situations, because I know it can always get worse. A little over two years ago, my mother and abusive stepfather were both living with me (and yes, with me, not the other way around), I had no relationship with my father, and I was in a state of depression so deep it felt like I’d never shake out of it. I now have a healthy relationship with my father and stepmother, I’m saving up money for a new car and I’m finishing college (finally).

However, this doesn’t mean that I don’t still go through mornings where I hate getting out of bed, where I think my life is just…bad, and I don’t want to deal with anything, at all. I just want to hide in a hole until the day is over and hide from life in general, which can’t be healthy. Large amounts of people make me feel nervous and awkward, and if there’s a situation where I can stick my foot in my mouth, I most likely will. I try to upkeep the bubbly and polite face so people won’t realize I’m like a poorly designed tapestry, the front is bright and interesting, but on the back is just bleak, drab, boring needlemarks.

However, I deal with it. There’s always something that makes it all worth living for.

Awesome: Doing BEDA!

Unawesome: I just feel sluggish.

1). They first tell the people who have invested the most in their lives. Their parents, their best friend, their significant other are people who all have invested emotions, wishes, hopes, dreams for this person, so naturally when something good happens, they are the people who will most care about this development.

2). These are people who can share in their excitement. People who love you no matter what will be happy for you no matter what, but it’s still nice to have people to share in your excitement.

3). You feel by going to them first with the news, you’re strengthening the already tight bond between you and that person.

So, I has good news! Yay good news! But I can’t tell you yet, because someone in that link hasn’t been notified yet. Two people, actually. So you, blog reader (all 3 of you) have to wait until I can tell James, and then it shall be complete! *cackles*

Also, in other news…

So, this guy who hasn’t been in my life for over two years decided to send me a message yesterday. I used to like this guy…a whole lot, until things became too complicated, and we just shut off communication from each other somehow. It’s weird that he comes back into my life now, as I’m in a really, really happy relationship with someone else (which he knows about it, we still have each other on facebook). I don’t think it’ll be much of a temptation though, it was a really bad situation and I’m glad to be free of it.

Awesome: So, I’m moving to Atlanta in 6 months (which isn’t the news, but that’s besides the point).

Unawesome: TMOBILE SUCKS ASS. Anyhoo.

Just in time,

I’m so glad you have

A one track mind like me,

You gave my life direction,

A game show love connection,

We can’t deny.

Hey Soul Sister, Train (From this cover, I loves it)

I know, Blog Everyday in April failed. However, I feel secure in the fact that everyone else failed as well and have decided to move it to August, so I figure I’ll cave to peer pressure and do the same thing.

So, this weekend I found out that a friend of mine had killed himself. I met this friend through Puzzle Pirates, and while we had previously been very very close (talking on the phone constantly, I knew his family), we had drifted apart after my move to Austin. Still, hearing of his death hit me hard, harder than I expected…mostly (and I know that the majority of his friends say the same) we never knew he was sad. We never knew anything but his cheerful disposition and loving nature, and even know it still hasn’t really sunk in. I know that if he was around right now he’d make fun of me for being sad, and tell me to stop being such a pussy, but I can’t help it. It’s really hard knowing that I’ll never be able to talk to him again…even about stupid Puzzle Pirates stuff.

When reading the last Harry Potter book, something struck me stronger than anything else. There’s a lot of death in the last book, and for each J.K. Rowling tries to convey the feeling differently, like Harry understood each death in a different way. I made fun of it at first, not because I’m a cruel and evil person, but because death is death, and it’s unpleasant and sucks no matter what you do. Now I understand a bit better; it’s different because you grieve for different people in different ways.

Awesome: One more full day til I see Jacob again! Yay fun!

Unawesome: I think I’m losing my voice

I’m losing my boyfriend to World of Warcraft
He said he loved me and I thought it would last
We used to go out but now I’m just here waiting
He never calls back he is too busy raiding
I hate that stupid game

World of Warcraft Ruined My Life, ALL CAPS

So, it’s Blog Every Day in April time! (or otherwise known as ‘BEDA’ in the hood. Yo. Hopefully this will go better than Blog Every Day in Decemeber, we can only hope.

I’ve been completely bogged down by schoolwork lately, and juggling Puzzle Pirate commitments with everything else, which is fun. And by fun, I mean completely stressful, but things are starting to calm down a lot (before they become completely nuts again, ugh). The diet has..well, it’s been going, and everything else is fantastic, well, besides a few things. I don’t really like my classes this semester, my best friend is having surgery soon and I won’t be able to see him (and I’m trying to pretend like I’m not worried, because I worry about everything and I think if I worry about this I’ll just stress him out even more) and we haven’t had a chance to talk as much as I like, so I’m not very happy about that. Yeah, maybe I am a bit more stressed out than I thought! Things will be okay. They have to, because I’m not really sure how I can live without him. Melodramatic? Absolutely. Truth? Absolutely.

In less depressing news, I have a friend coming to see me in two weeks! I’m very excited, we’re going to the Lost Sea and going to just hang out in general. I’m also loving my new friendship with Emily (she’s my exboyfriend’s exgirlfriend, he often dated us both at the same time, which is how we know each other). It’s not as weird as it seems, we adore each other, we just hate our ex. Any man’s worst nightmare! She and I are getting along really well, and we’re a lot alike when it comes to a lot of things. So that’s good!

Tomorrow’s topic: “Just Friends.” Can’t wait, can you?!? Haha!

Awesome: I’m off of school until Tuesday!
Unawsome: I have two papers due Thursday! Crap!

(I’m also going to start putting the Y!PP projects I’m on here, not really because I think you’ll care, but more because if I write it down where people can SEE it, I might finish them faster. Or that’s the hope, anyhoo).
Current Y!PP Project: Planning for a super scheekret blockade! And making our flag forums more active!
Current Wiki Project: Finished updating the Death Wish page, going to start updating some other sage things.

Just sayin.’

There’s all kinds of weird things going on with Financial Aid, and school and all kinds of stuff. Just kind of depresses me and makes me not want to write as much. Hopefully it’ll be sorted out on Monday, we’ll just have to see. Until then, I don’t really have much motivation to write (all of my classes this semester are heavy on the writing part). Sorry, hopefully I’ll get better!

Awesome: I’m filing my taxes tomorrow!

Unawesome: Almost everything else.

Lumos Fireflies, All Caps

Happy New Year’s! I know, I know, I kind of failed Blog Every Day in April. But I DID blog more, which was the whole point of the project in the first place! I’ve been all over the place with school and the holidays and family and…well, just all over the place. And I like a guy! Actually like him! And Vidcon! ZOMG Vidcon! *runs around like a crazy woman*

So, I figured I’d talk resolutions. Might as well, seeing this IS the first. I’ve never actually MADE resolutions, to be honest; so I’ve technically never BROKE them. I thought I might try this year, and see by next year which ones I kept!

1. I want to spend so much time with one of my best friends, James, in Washington that I don’t miss him as much when I’m home. Big, big dreams, but there you go.

2. I wanna go to Disney World for my birthday.

3. I want to go see a Taylor Swift concert.

4. I want to enter 2011 weighing LESS than I did in 2003. High hopes.

5. I want to go see a Wizard Wrock concert.

6. I want to go on a big, BIG road trip with friends.

7. I want to get my Priest to level 80.

8. I want to read over 100 books (books that I haven’t read before!). This is a huge, huge desire, but still.

9. I want to try one new thing a week. No matter if it’s food or an experience or just something that I normally wouldn’t do, I want to explore the world more.

10. I want to have really, really good grades. Like, AWESOME grades. Yes.

11. I want a relationship. I’ve never actually…wanted one before, until..well, yeah. We’ll see. Oh, and I want a new year’s kiss. Mmhmmm. And I know who I want it from, too.

I can’t wait for 2011! Here’s to a fantastic year. <3

Awesome: I slept until 3:00pm today.

Unawesome: I slept until 3:00pm today.